do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
So much rum. So many feels.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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