We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
