It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
