i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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