You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
