Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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