In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
