I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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