VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
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I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
the liver wants what the liver wants
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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