Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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