I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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