why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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