my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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