I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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