Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
