I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I don't deserve a penis
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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