Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
