ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
