those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
