did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
