I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
