the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
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