after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
