are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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