What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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