Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
