worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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