Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm determined to sit on that face.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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