How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
