Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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