he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
