I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
