I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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