can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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