she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
