The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
