Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Pappa wants mamma naked
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
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I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
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Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!