You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.