Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
she peed on how many people?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
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She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
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Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear