if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.