i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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