Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Let's get the cat blown out
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
