so explain again why im purple
no
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Randomize
