I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize