he shaved USA in his pubs
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
