i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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