I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
