I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
