Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Randomize
