Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
