No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
