her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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