Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
