I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
