I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
