when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
