Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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