That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I could make wine with my vomit
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
