Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Randomize
