his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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