all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
