Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
