I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
