I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
