there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
