I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
