i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Randomize
