He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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