I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
