Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
