Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
