I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
3 2 1 whiskey
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
