yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
