she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
