i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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