so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
