I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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