I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
