Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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