no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I have tasted many bathrooms
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
