that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
