I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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