we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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