I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
