i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
