so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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