she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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