is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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