He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
